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'Nuther trick Dock had wuz to walk 'long the street behind wimmin 'nd tell about how his sister had jest lost one uv her diamond earrings while out walkin'. Jest as soon as the wimmin heerd this they'd clap their han's up to their ears to see if their earrings wuz all right. Dock never laffed nor let on like he wuz jokin', but jest the same this sort uv thing tickled him nearly to deth.

Wall, says Dock, the best way to do is to[Pg 263] git the boy down on the floor 'nd hold his mouth open 'nd gag him till he swallers the pill. After the pill gits into his system it will explode in about ten minits, 'nd then the boy will feel better.

One time Dock 'nd Lem Thompson went over to Peory on the railroad, 'nd while they wuz settin' in the car in come two wimmin 'nd set in the seat ahead uv 'em. All uv a suddint Dock nudged Lem and sez, jest loud enuff fur the wimmin to hear: I didn't git round till after it wuz over, but I never see sech a sight as that baby's ear wuz.

Dock had a piece uv wood 'bout two inches long,—maybe three: it wuz black 'nd stubby 'nd looked jest like the butt uv a cigar. Nobody but [Pg 259]Dock wud ever hev thought uv sech a fool thing, but Dock use to go round with that thing in his mouth like it wuz a cigar, and when he'd meet a man who wuz smokin' he'd say: Excuse me, but will you please to gimme a light? Then the man wud hand over his cigar, and Dock wud plough that wood stub uv his'n around in the lighted cigar and would pertend to puff away till he had put the real cigar out, 'nd then Dock wud hand the cigar back, sayin', kind uv regretful like: You don't seem to have much uv a light there; I reckon I'll wait till I kin git a match. You kin imagine how that other feller's cigar tasted when he lighted it agin. Dock tried it on me oncet, 'nd when I lighted up agin seemed like I wuz smokin' a piece uv rope or a liver pad.

'Nuther trick Dock had wuz to walk 'long the street behind wimmin 'nd tell about how his sister had jest lost one uv her diamond earrings while out walkin'. Jest as soon as the wimmin heerd this they'd clap their han's up to their ears to see if their earrings wuz all right. Dock never laffed nor let on like he wuz jokin', but jest the same this sort uv thing tickled him nearly to deth.

Jest imagine the feelinks uv the mother says Lem, sad like.

Jest imagine the feelinks uv the mother says Lem, sad like.

This wuz cheerful news for the boy. No human power cud ha' got that pill into Sam. We never solicited Dock's perfeshional services agin.

[Pg 260]

Lem wuz onto Dock's methods, 'nd he knew there wuz sumthin' ahead. So he says: Tough-lookin' ear, wuz it?

'Nuther trick Dock had wuz to walk 'long the street behind wimmin 'nd tell about how his sister had jest lost one uv her diamond earrings while out walkin'. Jest as soon as the wimmin heerd this they'd clap their han's up to their ears to see if their earrings wuz all right. Dock never laffed nor let on like he wuz jokin', but jest the same this sort uv thing tickled him nearly to deth.

One time Dock 'nd Lem Thompson drove over to Knoxville to help Dock Parsons cut a man's leg off. About four miles out uv town 'nd right in the middle uv the hot peraroor they met Moses Baker's oldest boy trudgin' along with a basket uf eggs. The Dock whoaed his hoss 'nd called to the boy,�?

No, I don't know how he come to be a medikil man. He told me oncet that when he found out that he wuzn't good for anythink he concluded he'd be a doctor; but I reckon that wuz one uv his jokes. He didn't have much uv a practice: he wuz too yumorous to suit most invalids 'nd sick folks. We had him tend our boy Sam jest oncet when Sam wuz comin' down with the measles. He looked at Sam's tongue 'nd felt his pulse 'nd said he'd leave a pill for Sam to take afore goin' to bed.

How shell we administer the pill? asked my wife.

This wuz cheerful news for the boy. No human power cud ha' got that pill into Sam. We never solicited Dock's perfeshional services agin.

One time Dock 'nd Lem Thompson drove over to Knoxville to help Dock Parsons cut a man's leg off. About four miles out uv town 'nd right in the middle uv the hot peraroor they met Moses Baker's oldest boy trudgin' along with a basket uf eggs. The Dock whoaed his hoss 'nd called to the boy,�?

[Pg 260]

Dock went up to Chicago with Jedge Craig oncet, 'nd when they come back the jedge said he'd never had such an offul time in all his born days. Said that Dock bought a fool Mother Goose book to read in the hoss-cars jest to queer folks; would set in a hoss-car lookin' at the pic[Pg 262]turs 'nd readin' the verses 'nd laffin' like it wuz all new to him 'nd like he wuz a child. Everybody sized him up for a ejeot, 'nd the wimmin folks shook their heads 'nd said it wuz orful fur so fine a lookin' feller to be such a tom fool. 'Nuther thing Dock did wuz to git hold uv a bad quarter 'nd give it to a beggar, 'nd then foller the beggar into a saloon 'nd git him arrested for tryin' to pass counterfit money. I reckon that if Dock had stayed in Chicago a week he'd have had everybody crazy.

Lem wuz onto Dock's methods, 'nd he knew there wuz sumthin' ahead. So he says: Tough-lookin' ear, wuz it?

Wall, all this conversation wuz fur from pleasant to those two wimmin in [Pg 261]the front seat, fur wimmin love babies 'nd hate rats, you know. It wuz nuts fur Dock 'nd Lem to see the two wimmin squirm, 'nd all the way to Peory they didn't talk about nuthink but snakes 'nd spiders 'nd mice 'nd caterpillers. When the train got to Peory a gentleman met the two wimmin 'nd sez to one uv 'em: I'm feered the trip haint done you much good, Lizzie, says he. Sakes alive, John, says she, it's a wonder we haint dead, for we've been travellin' forty miles with a real live Beadle dime novvell

Lem wuz onto Dock's methods, 'nd he knew there wuz sumthin' ahead. So he says: Tough-lookin' ear, wuz it?

How shell we administer the pill? asked my wife.

'Nuther trick Dock had wuz to walk 'long the street behind wimmin 'nd tell about how his sister had jest lost one uv her diamond earrings while out walkin'. Jest as soon as the wimmin heerd this they'd clap their han's up to their ears to see if their earrings wuz all right. Dock never laffed nor let on like he wuz jokin', but jest the same this sort uv thing tickled him nearly to deth.

Dock had a piece uv wood 'bout two inches long,—maybe three: it wuz black 'nd stubby 'nd looked jest like the butt uv a cigar. Nobody but [Pg 259]Dock wud ever hev thought uv sech a fool thing, but Dock use to go round with that thing in his mouth like it wuz a cigar, and when he'd meet a man who wuz smokin' he'd say: Excuse me, but will you please to gimme a light? Then the man wud hand over his cigar, and Dock wud plough that wood stub uv his'n around in the lighted cigar and would pertend to puff away till he had put the real cigar out, 'nd then Dock wud hand the cigar back, sayin', kind uv regretful like: You don't seem to have much uv a light there; I reckon I'll wait till I kin git a match. You kin imagine how that other feller's cigar tasted when he lighted it agin. Dock tried it on me oncet, 'nd when I lighted up agin seemed like I wuz smokin' a piece uv rope or a liver pad.

[Pg 260]

[Pg 260]

One time Dock 'nd Lem Thompson drove over to Knoxville to help Dock Parsons cut a man's leg off. About four miles out uv town 'nd right in the middle uv the hot peraroor they met Moses Baker's oldest boy trudgin' along with a basket uf eggs. The Dock whoaed his hoss 'nd called to the boy,�?

[Pg 260]

One time Dock 'nd Lem Thompson went over to Peory on the railroad, 'nd while they wuz settin' in the car in come two wimmin 'nd set in the seat ahead uv 'em. All uv a suddint Dock nudged Lem and sez, jest loud enuff fur the wimmin to hear: I didn't git round till after it wuz over, but I never see sech a sight as that baby's ear wuz.

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